There are many things in life I feel I’m not up to doing. Before even trying I have the tendency to think I won’t be able to do it. Fear of failure is, and has been, always a biggie for me. So when professional painters started painting the outside of my apartment building I was ready to let them do the whole thing, including my balcony. Of course that meant a lot of extra money to spend. And if there’s one thing I have to be careful with it’s money.
But my nephew and a friend of his offered to do the job instead which would help a lot. Now many of you know I’m not the most patient person in the world. So when it was time to start on my balcony and the boys weren’ immediately available I thought I’d start already to make the job easier for them. I have never painted before. But how hard can it be, right? First the sanding, which after an hour of hard work I’d had enough of.
Sanding is no fun. Especially doing everything by hand. No worries, a friend had a machine I could use. This worked a lot better. After a couple of days I was finally ready for the fun job. Let’s start on the painting. I’m not short, but I would need a ladder to get to the higher parts. With my fear of heights I was not looking forward to stand on a ladder, on the balcony. That’s twice the fear. At that time I talked to my niece who’d spend a vacation near an amusement park. She had enjoyed a rollercoaster ride. She answered my question if she had no fear of heights with ‘Oh yes I’m terrified, but my will is stronger than any kind of fear.’
Would that work in my case as well? Knees shaking and legs trembling I climbed the ladder. I concentrated on not looking down and instead work on my windowpanes. Soon enough I felt relaxed and even confident enough to reach for a hard part. Bare feet on a ladder, leaning way over, is not a good idea. The ladder went out from under me, I crashed and slid through my kitchen to end up at the end of my kitchen floor. OUCH..
‘Why?’ was my first thought, after checking I hadn’t broken anything. I crawled to my couch certain I could not do this. See, any other person won’t fall. I’m so stupid, I failed, just clumsy, etcetera. NO, I was not going to think like that anymore. Bruised and hurting all over, I put on some sturdy shoes, balanced the ladder at the right spot and climbed right back on. I am stronger than this and will not let a small let down get in my way of finishing what I want.
I am so proud to tell you that my balcony is finished and looks pretty. Professional ;painters can definitely tell that this was my first time, but hey. I’m happy and it looks good enough for me. And I did it all by myself. I crossed boundaries and let go of my fear. C’mon let’s get ready for the next project!