Vanity

‘Hey Ellen, how are you? My you’re looking good! Seems like you only get younger whenever we see you.’ Surprised I look up. I was too busy thinking about what to do first , take my trash out, leave the glass and paper in recycling bins, go to the grocery store, then to the market, mail some cards and on my way back go to the drugstore. In the meantime the sun is shining its first spring rays and friends have a cup of coffee on the patio of the restaurant on the corner. I’m glad vanity took over this morning before I stepped out the door.

Saturday morning

Usually I just run out the door without even checking my appearance in the mirror. Especially on a Saturday morning when it’s time for errands. I hadn’t seen my coffee drinking friends in a while. And I was happy with their compliments. I thought I didn’t really care anymore. At one time in life there are so many more important things than looking good. I don’t care about a few wrinkles anymore. Still it made me conscious and I was glad I had made a little bit of an effort. Wearing my (way too expensive) suede coat and (even more expensive) matching suede boots I felt good.

Feeling good

And feeling good reflects on how you look. Of course it’s not at all important how you look as long as your inner self is pretty. But when you feel pretty it shows. So it’s win-win. Do I want to look younger, though? I don’t know, I really don’t care about getting older. As long as it reflects my inner me. I decided quite some years ago to let my hair grow out. I’ve been gray since a very young age. Fed up with hairdyes and hours of sculpting, dressing and coloring I decided to just let it be. Three years I went without recognizing myself.

Mirror

Whenever I looked in a mirror or saw my reflection anywhere it didn’t feel like me. I was lost. Up to the point I was so confused I went to the hair salon and had my hair fixed in a rich mahogany color. Yes, now I had my self back. Now I could easily peer into a mirror knowing this was me. So, now I sometimes just take a few minutes to study my reflection. Is this vanity? Sure, that has something to do with it. But much more it’s to get re-acqainted with my self. Who am I, what do I look like? Another wrinkle doesn’t bother me, but I do want to see whom my face reflects. Who am I when I look at my face? And what lives inside of this outer shell?